its chinese new yr eve...
i don't even remember it..
i just know that chinese new yr is coming soon...
n i nv knew that its coming that fast...

would have totally forgotten it if it wasn't some of my friends wishing me a happy chinese new yr...
or... if they haven't ask me abt where will i have my reunion dinner...

well, i got back home today after spending some time in sch trying to figure out my assignment...
went online n saw that one of my friend's msn message is
'no one is accompaning me for reunion dinner'

i just wanna say... SO DO I?
i guess... everything has its 1st time...
1st time learning to walk...
1st time speaking...
1st time taking a pen up n writing ur name...
1st time doing things which u least expected u will commit...
so what if its my 1st time spending my chinese new yr eve eating leftover food from 2 nights ago and thinking that it is a luxury...

i shld be more than satisfied...
wats the use to moan abt things?
about things that i don't have...
so wat if i am eating alone on this very night?
will being sad helps?

ever since i got here to melbourne...
i know that i am starting from scratch...
meeting totally new people
and building up skills and adapting to life by myself
i often tried to motivate myself by saying this
'i am not the only one here, many other ppl like me are experience the same thing'
n sometimes it realli does give me strength...
but these days...
i kinda feel that its not realli working on me anymore...
i nd directions...
i feel lost...
i feel insecure...
i start to think of the worst scenario...
i feel like a mess...
n when i'm in a mess...
i start to make terrible mistakes...
doesn't feel like i'm in the mood for anything...
probably hiding is?

i nd a doctor...

well sorry abt that...
happy chinese new yr...