somehow... i don't feel quite well now...
mentally or physically???
i don't know...
i realli don't...
i can't vividly remember what i did for the past few mths...
all i feel now... is a surge of emptiness...
is this some kinda post exam illness?
i know i shld feel happy...
or rather relief...
i fought down waves of irritation...
took endless deep breathes...
trying to at least ease some of my tension...
but i realli don't know wats wrong...
i am just kinda overwhelmed with a strong
negative feeling...
WHATS WITH ME???
i am such a sickening...
irritating emo ger....

anyway, i will be going to hk this holiday....
have actually planned to stay here for my summer break
but i am realli weak...
i miss the feeling of HOME...
i miss my parents lots...
i miss the food my mum cooks...
i realli can't stand being lonely...
esp when ur friends r gone n ur parents
are not with u...

arghxxx i always miss this n that...

had a short chat with my ex-colleague on msn
after my exam on mon...
she says the boss miss me n ask abt me...
she told me to go back to work during my holidays...
but i realli don't know how many yrs will it take me
to return to singapore...
i realli want to spend my holidays with m5....
i missed yuan n jia's bday....
n i will miss liqin's birthday again this dec...

i have to say...
i am not strong at all...
i just try to psycho myself again n again...
making myself believe that i am someone whom
i am not....
in fact... i am such a big liar!
i made myself believe that... i am strong...
i always told myself that i do not have
to be afraid coz i'm not the only one...
i told myself that i can take care of myself...

i love challeges yet i fear them...
i am always caught unprepared for the unexpected...
i can hardly supress the fear within me..
sometimes... i don't even know y i shld be scare...
y i shld feel afraid....
it just...
it comes naturally...
somehow... somethings we cannot always have control on...

pls help me to find myself back...
i nd my confidence...
where did it go?
y did it leave me without a word?
where is my strength n determination?
y am i lost?